Changes
by Notorious P.A.T
Summary: Rika's POV We all go through changes. I'd love to go back to when we were kids... but things change. That's just the way it is. Rated for a few curses. Poem and story. Part one of two.


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A/N: Hello everyone out there! How have you been? I have just been fine, thank you. This is the first part of a two-part story, so they're not going to be separated by chapters. The first part is Rika's POV, and the second one…well you know where I'm going with this. Have fun reading it! Love, and be loved. Read… and review.  
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Changes

_I stand alone  
__In this world  
__And I'm lonely_

All of my life I've been alone. The funny thing is, for a **real** long time… I liked it that way. In fact, I could go as far as saying I purposely tried to be alone. That I _wanted_ to be alone, that I **_needed_** to be alone. But I'll be damned if I could say the same today. I'm a 17-year-old, junior, redhead with a lot of problems. A certain brown-eyed boy is not one of those problems however. Takato and I have been best friends ever since we defeated the D-Reaper. Best friends… not much more, but never less then that.

We hung out a lot during those years after Renamon and them left, and we just caught ourselves calling each other our best friends somewhere down the line, and that's how its been ever since. I enjoy it a lot, because we don't keep any secrets from one another. There's no question of trust because we never lie to one another, and there's nothing wrong with being best friends, but if I didn't have him as my best (and quite possibly my only) friend I might be in a lot of trouble.

Between us, neither of us has ever done drugs, smoked, or (while I don't believe him on this) had sex. We've both had our fair share of drunken nights… what junior hasn't? But we watch out for each other, when we go out drinking we take turns being the designated driver, and I can sometimes twist his arm, sometimes figuratively and sometimes literally, enough to make him be the driver when its suppose to be my turn. Fake ID's are hard to come by, so we just hang out with friends that we've met who are older then us. Again, they're mostly his friends.

I've never had a boyfriend longer then three weeks, and sometimes I get in fights with other girls who call Takato my 'boyfriend' or 'husband.' We're nothing of the sort!… are we? I'd love to go back to how it was when we were kids… but things change.

_I can't help it  
__I'm losing myself  
__I've become bony_

"Hey Rika!"

I stop about three feet from the table where Takato and Jeri are sitting at lunch. They're not dating, but the three of us seem to have become better friends. Jeri would have to be my best girl friend, but we're not best friends. I turn to see who called me and see the jack of all trades- Michael Crayton.

I give him a look of pure cold-blooded contempt and he seems to shatter the look with his voice. "So, your anorexic, right?"

Everyone sitting at his table laughs with him at this, while I try to intensify my stare. I hear chairs screech backwards as Takato and Jeri come to my aide, but I don't need their help. I can defend myself all on my own, damn it! "So, ah, how many times do you throw up-a-day?" he asked me.

Did I say 'jack of all trades?' I meant the jackass of all trades. "Before you start anything Crayton, you better think of the consequences." Takato said to him, staring him down.

"You don't want to fuck with my friends." He added.

He quieted down and tried to stare Takato down himself, to no avail. Takato didn't flaunter for a second with his stare and Crayton just looked back to his group and started to mutter something to them about Takato, which made some of them laugh, but we didn't care.

Two things to know about what just happened. I'm no anorexic, but I am absurdly thin. Life at home's been rough. Mom's not around ever, and a lot of people just assume I'm trying to follow in her footsteps and am taking the necessary steps to doing that. These people have no respect for me at all, and are usually the ones saying things like what Crayton just said, and other things about me or (making me want to kill them every time they say it) about my mother. I love my mother, no matter how absent she is from my life.

The second thing to know is that Crayton is dead scared of Takato. For a long time he and Takato had a rivalry between each other. The entire time Crayton was claiming he could beat the shit out of Takato, until, about two or three weeks ago, Takato finally cracked and gave up his 'fighting isn't the only option' routine and fought Crayton. One guess says who won. Here's a summary- the fight didn't last 60 seconds before Crayton was lying on his back in pain.

_Why can't you see in me,  
__What I see in you?_

"I was completely in control of the situation." I said to Takato.

"And I'm just saying you were obviously not in complete control of the situation." He responded.

It's after school on the same day, and I'm talking to Takato about what happened at lunch. We were arguing about what had happened. I most definitely could have handled that without anyone else's help. Yet he still insisted on helping! Why!? It frustrated me so much that he stood over me like 'big brother.' "I don't need you to protect me, okay!" I finally hissed at him.

He gave me a disappointed look, but more of in himself, then in me. It still made me feel bad about what I had said, but I don't know why? I mean, I really don't need his protection, but he still insisted on giving it. Ugh, he was frustrating me, and I just needed some down time to think this whole thing over.

_Why am I so damn cold  
__Especially around you!?_

I stare out into the school parking lot, while not actually staring at anything, but just rather into space. I peel my eyes away, realizing I wasn't looking at anything, and look for something to take my attention, and see brown-eyes on the phone a few feet away. It's been about a month since I told him he was being over-protective, but we've made amends since then.

Presently, he's on the phone with Jeri. In terms of love interest, she's always been favored over me. Not to say that's bad, in fact I like it better knowing the chances of a bad relationship isn't possible. Also not to say that we would make a good couple… I mean…

_Do I know what I mean?_

I honestly don't, but I hope that my confusion is justified in its reason, although I may never know. Suddenly I hear a yelp and realize I've been staring at Takato for too long. My mind focuses in on what happening in my surroundings, and see that it's Takato who yelled. "You mean you will?" he asked into the phone.

What? I realize I've not idea what he's talking about and get lost for a few seconds… what's going on? He waits a few seconds for a response and a huge smile spreads across his face. "Alright! I'll ah… I'll see you soon then."

He hangs up the phone and smiles to himself, not knowing I'm keeping an eye on him. But he turns his attention to me and can see I've been staring, lost in my own confusion, and he comes running to me and he… he…

He hugged me! For as long as I can remember, we've never really embraced out of pure emotion! Immediately I don't respond, and why should I? It was so random… but is this my chance to prove that I have _might_ have feeling for him?

Wait… what? I don't have feelings for him, except friendship, and that's all. Right!? It's been too long now and he's still hugging me with no reaction. "_He'll think I'm cold._" I hear a small, quiet voice say in the back of a head, but it's a commanding voice, a voice that demands respect and obedience, and I have no choice but to return his hug finally.

We let go after only a few seconds and rather then ask why he hugged me I give him a cold, questioning look, and he knows its his sign to explain his jubilation. "Jeri… she just agreed to go to the Snowball with me!"

The same voice that had just spoke seems to have suddenly died, and I have a sudden feeling of emptiness in my stomach along with an uncalled for… jealousy, but why? I'm not jealous of anything… or anyone. For those of the less informed, the Snowball is the annual Winter Date Dance. I never said anything to him, but gave an acknowledging nod and felt this uneasiness. Why was I so uncomfortable with this situation? Only a few minutes ago I had been saying I was glad Takato didn't prefer me over Jeri… but was I simply lying to myself? Or fabricating the truth so I wouldn't be hurt by something like what just happened.

Whatever the situation, I had to recollect myself and think over what's just happened. Like I said, I'd love to go back to how it was when we were kids… but things change.

_Why can't I get you out of my head?  
__Why can't I get you off my mind?  
__Why can't I just forget about you?  
_"_Yeah… you like… fine."_

Time seems to have sped up around me, and I'm left to sit and wonder where it all went. It's been a whole month since the Snowball, and things didn't seem to have gone too well between Takato and Jeri at the dance. I didn't go, because usually the three of us go together so none of us feels left out, and I didn't want to feel like the 'third wheel.' However, word from the dance was that neither of them had a great time. Both assure me that they had fun, but they don't seem to want to elaborate on anything after that. It makes me wonder why, but it also makes some beast inside of me roar with pride. Ugh, this green-eyed monster is killing me from the inside. Why do I feel so _good_ about a bad night between my two friends? It's disturbing… but it pleases a certain uncalled for happiness in me.

I'm, again, collecting my thoughts as I sit outside of school, waiting for grandma to come pick me up. I don't get my license for another month so I'm still being driven.

Back to my feelings thought; what are these feelings I'm having? Why does it make me happy knowing Jeri's unhappy… or Takato's unhappy? Which is it? I'm not sure. Are these… no… they couldn't be. I mean I've never felt this way about him before… so why now? Why four years after our chance encounter do I have suddenly have feelings of '_affection_' for… for him… for Takato? Mr. Brown Eyes, Mr. 'Fighting isn't the only option', ugh, even Gogglehead damn it! He can be such a damn idiot at times…… but he's cute when he's an idiot.

I look up from staring at my shoes and see him standing not five feet from me! What the hell is he doing here! How dare he! How dare he be present when I'm collecting my thoughts? How dare he appear right in front of me while I'm thinking so kindly of him! How dare he intrude into my head and become my main point of focus! He's intruded for far too long! Now is the time I tell him to leave my thought and be gone from my mind!

I open my mouth to say something cruel… something mean… anything, and he looks up from looking at his own feet and I'm dumbstruck. I can't choke out a single word to say to him. I'm suddenly too self-conscious of what he may think of me… suddenly… I care. "So umm… how do I look?" he asks of me.

I take sudden notice he's dressed up, for a formal dinner… or maybe a date? I feel the butterflies in my stomach stop fluttering and die in place as I remember he still likes Jeri more then me. He's probably got a date with her tonight. I can't help but feel defeated, and a bit upset. "Yeah… you look… fine."

"_I don't know what to think of him."  
_"_I think that you're crazy."  
_"_I think I might love him?"  
_"_Girl, you are crazy."_

'Time's a blast when you're having a fly.' So says my stupid science teacher.

Obviously time also flies when you're questioning your feelings for someone. It's been another month since that day after school when I realized what's happening to me. It's the weekend now, though, and I'm in my bedroom talking with Jeri. Whatever Takato was doing a month ago, it wasn't going on another date with Jeri. They hadn't gone out together since the Snowball, and any relationship they _might_ have had is non-existent. I'm talking about him with her, because I want to make sure my feelings are legitimate… without her knowing it of course. "I mean… he is a cool guy. He has to be if he hangs out with us, right?" Jeri says jokingly.

I laugh at this enough to let her know I appreciate it. "Most defiantly. But what do you think of him?" I ask.

"Me? I think he's a great, nice, funny guy who could end up with a great wife, kids, and future… but I don't see myself in it." She response.

I give her a shocked face, but its fake. I'm not surprised by her response, stunned maybe, but not surprised. "What do you mean you don't see yourself in it? I mean… he has always liked you more then…" my voice trails off… and she notices.

"More then who?" she asks, giving me a questioning look.

"Well… more then me, I guess." I said, trying to remain cool but she's known me for **far** too long. She knows when I'm hiding something.

She thinks on it for a few seconds though, but decides not to explore further into it but simply says, "Well, I think he just isn't quite good enough for me, to be totally honest. And he's most definitely not good enough for you either."

This time I give her a real shocked look. Not good enough for me? "What are you talking about?" I ask.

"Well… what do you think of him?" she asks.  
"I don't know what to think of him." I respond, almost instinctively.  
"I think that you're crazy." She whispers, but I take no notice.

"Jeri… can I be honest with you… without you freaking out or getting all riled up… **or** holding it over my head?" I ask her.  
"When can't you trust me?" she asks.

"Jeri… I think… I think I might… _love_ him." I said, whispering the 'l' word enough so that she almost didn't hear it… _almost_.

Her eyes widen and a huge smile breaks across her mouth as she reaches out and pulls me into a gigantic hug. "I knew it! (she pulls me away so were staring face to face) Girl… you **ARE **crazy!"

"How did you know? I mean… I barely know." I said.

"Of course you barely know… you're not recognizing, nor do I think you're accepting, the signs! But they're so obvious! I mean I can see them because I'm not feeling those feelings of L-"

I give her a stare as cold as death itself and she only smiles and laughs it off. "Whatever, I'm not feeling these 'feelings' so I can't be thrown off by the 'am I sure?' or the 'is this how I feel?' questions. I bet you're lost in your own little world thinking so many stupid questions you want to kick yourself for all the time you've wasted away thinking about them!"

I don't give any acknowledgment of this, but she take's it for granted. "Well, we better get to work on getting you two together!" she exclaims.  
"WHAT!?" I almost yell.

"Ever seen the movie Hitch? We'll just imagine me as the white, feminine Will Smith of that movie." She says, and I can tell this could lead to trouble.

_I'll show you my love  
__To prove that it's true  
__I'll bet everything I've got  
__I don't like to lose._

Let's get to the point: It's been three weeks since I confessed to **Jeri** my feelings for **Takato**. She's been trying to play 'Hitch' since then, but she hasn't been very successful. We've only got about three months until school lets out now, and she's desperate to play matchmaker. But what she doesn't know, is that I've given up on playing nice. I'm tired of all the planning and futile attempts to get Takato to notice me. If this was back when we first met I wouldn't have dared to allow so much time to pass without being up-front, but things change, and that's just the way it is.

But that doesn't mean I can't go back to those times, and act as I would have then. I've decided that spontaneity is the only way to do this.

Schools been out for a long time now, and Jeri, once again, is trying to sweet-talk me into Takato's heart. Telling him all these great things about me, basically bull shitting him to try and see me in a more likable light. There really isn't anybody around to stare or give odd looks, so I'm not worried about what others might think… but about what he will think of me after this.

I walk over to where they're standing and smile at them both, "Speak of the angel!" Jeri says, twisting the saying around to fit to her liking.

I look at her and smile, but I'm not here to joke. I turn away and stare him in the eye, desperately trying to see into the windows to his soul. He stares back but gives me a questioning look and I know he's not expecting it…

I close the small gap between him and me and my body is up against his. I keep my eyes on his and his show a bit resistance and his pulse may be going a little faster. I lean into his body and he leans away, hopefully out of pure reaction, and not out of conscious choice. I place my hand around the back of his head and bring him into a _passionate_ kiss.

I stay locked with him… but he's not responding. He's not even giving any sign that he's aware I'm trying to convey anything. I'm putting myself out there for him to reject or accept me… and he's choosing 'reject.' I stay in this position for a little longer then maybe I should have, considering he's not giving anything back, and I do this because I want to enjoy this moment for the rest of my life, because I can tell already I'll never get a chance to do it again.

I pull myself away and give him innocence and a dejected look. So this was it, huh? This was how it was meant to be? Him with someone he loves… and me alone. Were just going to have to move on with our lives. I look at him one more time before turning and start to walk away.

I guess… some things will never change.

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A/N: O.o… review please.

"Gentlemen it's time to spread the word, and the word is… _Panic_."  
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